Spring 2016

First day of spring, start of Easter break - 

I did what I do best, for the past 24 hours, I was asleep for 16 hours.. *Guilty* 

Even the mesmerising Kevin could not keep me awake.. I literally dozed off right in the screen while on Skype with him... HA HA HA 

Very glad that I can finally take a short break b'cos school'd been taking a toll on me.. Sophomore year ain't that easy for me. It feels like I am pushing through everything without having a goal of any sort. It feels like I am just going through the motion daily and doing whatever I should do, and sometimes I am just really unsure if I am going to get anything out of this. Nonetheless, I still put my foot one after another on these streets where I have no goals and accept that someday it will all make sense.. They say you can do what you want, but truth is, you can only do what you want after obeying all the rules and regulations. (That being said, I should probably start catching up on my missed lectures and tutorials..) 

Side note, 4am in the morning talking to Sam and thinking of them... I think all of them, regardless where they are, are working their arses off and trying to have a future brighter than Malcolm on a screen right now HAHAHA.. Therefore, I must work hard too! Gambatehh pple!! 

PS// 2 months away from home now and 3 more months to go... Currently craving 302 meesua, ramen, tehbing and korean food... 

Leow Chwee Seah

In memory of the most loving Grandpa of mine,

Quoting myself from Feb 2015

‘Before I came to the UK, I always felt that I should take this chance to travel more and everything.. But I have come to realise that, travelling can wait, my family cannot wait for me, I have to treasure and cherish the time left that I can spend with my family..’

And I am glad to say that I still feel this way now. The decision to fly back home this winter break is probably the best decision I’ve made in my whole life despite the workload during this holiday. Grandpa went to the arms of the angels without any warning for us. I am really thankful that I got the chance to spend lots of time with him before his demise. Nonetheless, it was still all too sudden. Nobody expected him to leave just like that, not even himself. He was already recovering from a minor lung infection in the hospital and waiting to be discharged. One day before he was transferred to the ICU and diagnosed with pneumonia, he was still reminding me to keep myself warm when I fly back to the UK.

However, pneumonia hit him hard and fast. Within hours contracting pneumonia, he couldn’t eat and breathe by himself anymore. He was in so much pain, yet he continuously stressed that he wanted to be home. (My grandpa even struggled with the nurses so that he could remove the oxygen mask and tell us that he wants to be home) We had to grant him his last wish, we hired a private ambulance, as the hospital do not provide these kind of ‘extraordinary’ services. Although the private ambulance took ages to arrive and the doctor said that he might not make it home, with his strong willpower, he persevered and made it. He fought to stay conscious throughout the journey home and only stopped breathing when he was lying comfortably on his bed. I am really so so proud of my gong gong.

Many say that my gong gong had lived a blessed life and passed on peacefully with all his 7 children by his bedside and most of his grandchildren accompanying him. Some even say that my gong gong loves me a lot and that his departure was so ‘timely’ because the day that I am leaving for UK would be the last ritual for him to rest in peace. But I don't know how you say good-bye to whom and what you love. I don't know a painless way to do it; don't know the words to capture a heart so full and a longing so intense.

Indeed, my heart is breaking right now, but you're my inspiration to move forward and persevere on. Please continue to watch over us. And I hope that you're in a warm and sunny place right now; I cannot forget how cold your hands were during your last few moments. I miss you so much already.

(I never knew the exact spelling of Gong's name before he was hospitalised)

Keep Going

For the final lap...
I might not have big dreams, but I do not want to lose.
I might be making a lot of mistakes, but I am trying hard to learn too.

PS: Let me get some curly fries for today first.

Life is 1/4 hapiness

They always say we should live happily... But from the way it is, happiness doesn't even come close to being a priority... So just study sadly! 

Crucial period of the second semester of my first year studying overseas.. Back to essays and studying...  I would say my first semester's results were devastating? I don't even want to look at them :( Went back Singapore for 3 weeks during easter break and time flew by as if I was only away for 3 days. 

Definitely very happy to successfully gave Kevin a pleasant surprise! :) Also gave a shock to my very loved friends HAHAHA, their expressions/reactions were rather amusing for me. I guess it is worth it counting down the days alone since the end of January and trying so hard to keep this secret from everyone else except my family?? But it is probably my first and last time doing this because it is really torturing for the mind LOL And I guess many thanks to the organisers, JP, QH & YZ? Although I burnt a hole in my wallet! 

The only down side of this trip was that I still had a lot of assignments on hand and I could not really make time for everyone... Friends that I really want to meet will have to wait till June.. Especially Mandi, Joey and Nahjiha, please don't forget me, I shall go pester you girls during summer!!! Please be understanding!! :) Truly blessed with friends that are always behind my back and giving me endless encouragements even though I am in UK... At this point in life, I feel that my friends and I have already been through all those bimbo stages where we quarrel over small stuffs, etc. The quote below seems so relevant and I can't wait to get my hands on some fiction and run away from the world.. about 1 month to the end of exam period and 1.5 months to home :) Summer, come quick! 

“They had battled and bloodied one another, they had kept secrets, broken hearts, lied, betrayed, exiled, they had walked away, said goodbye and sworn it was forever, and somehow, every time, they had mended, they had forgiven, they had survived. Some mistakes could never be fixed - some, but not all. Some people can't be driven away, no matter how hard you try. Some friendships won't break.”

― Robin Wasserman, Greed

February 2k15

Lost all motivation and hoping that by ranting it out on this space of mine will bring to me a certain inner peace and give me the courage to continue on. Inner peace all, you thinking of buddha or guan yin ma?? Ok, so lameee... 

First time passing by v day as someone attached;

First time actually booking a restaurant for v day;

First time not at home during cny;

First time receiving card instead of ang bao for cny;

and many many more first time.. 

[Part 1 - UK Family]

Valentine's celebrated on 13th the Friday at T.G.I.F with Naz, Wallace, JJ & Fio! 

After that we walked to Albert docks and its actually the first time for me to act like a tourist and take pictures around liverpool? I believe that liverpool have it's hidden gems but we are all too tired from school to truly enjoy this town. 

Happy day! <3

And then on the actual day, we had a surprise for yukey!!! Her birthday falls on V day so cool right! HAHAHAHAHA, I mainly helped to eat because I had to read cases for Moot and all HAHAH!

[Part 2 - The Gang]

The Gang & Maria clan actually :D I do not have their CNY picture because they have yet to meet up for CNY, so yup, a christmas photo shall do. So Samantha made them write chinese CNY card to me yipeee!! It must be tough especially for Cassandra and those NS guys whose brains are already fried hahahah! I had a hard time reading but it was pleasant nonetheless.. Thankful for all of them, even when I am in UK, I am still not forgotten hahaha <3333333 Also really happy to received spicy prawn rolls from Kev MUAHAAHHAA (Which my friends and I finished one container in 1 hour!) TYVM :) 

[Part 3 - The Family]

Heard from mom that Jovie was jealous because all the attention was on J'don during cny... Awww my qt pie, wait for me to go back and spoil you alright ahhahaha!!! And Grandma's smile is the more comforting, cannot wait to go back and sleep on her sofa/bed... Like my favourite past time at her place HAHAHAHA!

And... I asked mummy why is she not in the photos..... She replied.. Because I was playing mahjoong right? Where got time to take photos!!! Ohhh myyyy... You wait alright, I shall go back and take photos with you hahaha! So cute my mom! <3 

And yes something changed internally... Before I came to the UK, I always felt that I should take this chance to travel more and everything.. But then I have come to realise that, travelling can wait, my family cannot wait for me, I have to treasure and cherish the time left that I can spend with my family.. Life is only going to be harsher and tougher and busier in the near future, and no matter how fun travelling is, it cannot make up for the time lost with family.. So I shall put my travel plans on hold and put my family in the first place rn! :) This is a great change of mindset for me, and I embrace it thoroughly because I miss home so so much :') 

PS: Palm trees, ocean breeze, salty air, sun kissed hair. That endless summer, take me there.... 

PSPS: For now, time to hit the books and buttons and be doing essays! >:( 

2K15

A brand new year, and I am still sleeping too much.

I guess that would be my first goal in 2015, to sleep an appropriate amount of time, not to little, not too much.. pfft.. Wish me luck! 

I guess everybody have got the feeling of a closure when 2015 comes to an end, but I am not really feeling it right now because finals are just around the corner and everything is just cramming up! So much to do and so much that I do not want to do! :( 

I guess for me, a closure will come after finals, after I am really done with Semester 1 :-)

In addition, year ones only get 1 week break after our finals which is rather crappy, I do not understand. So here I am trying to study into 2015 and hoping to bury myself in my textbooks until public law paper ends. I really dislike this, I cannot enjoy my holidays, it does not feel like holidays, it does not feel like christmas, and its not like new year! Ugh, but I am really glad I have my friends to be with me! *Evil laughters* Everybody is just so worried about ELS essay and exams! Where got time?! (And I am obviously running away from doing my essay right now hahah, I promise I will get back to it soon enough!) 

Time to grow up, this is what I have been telling myself, and hopefully I will become an adult soon. Definitely understand that responsibility, diligence and courage will not come to me just like that. I guess I will have to change for the better, be a better me, a more improved shiman this coming year. As the saying goes "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got" - a promise to myself, I have to make my parents proud and work harder! 

Lastly, just want to show off rice cooker steamboat made by crownies without Fiona though~ Fiona, we can have steamboat again for chinese new year when you are back! (:

PS: Good things come to people who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them.

Home

One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time. - Hermann Hesse

So, after months of having no time (or maybe no mood) to blog, I am back again and it is only because I am procrastinating on my school work. hashtag bamf.

& whoops, I am in studying in the UK already!! Amazeballs, I could still rmb the naive year 1 me asking my mother if i could study overseas.. and baam, here I am, in UK now, enrolled in a university and trying to make it through the first semester. 

UK is a beautiful place to travel and look see but it is definitely not a place for me to spend money.. Eating a little too much, shopping really too much :( As usual, I am labelled blur sotong after a few weeks in the UK, but thankfully, I have good friends that always take care of me and give me a helping hand whenever I need them.. Really really thankful for them <3 With these friendly people, I feel that I can make it through the 3 years ahead peacefully and safely hehe ^^ 

What I really hate about this place is probably the cold. 冷死我啊！For someone who loves her sunny and humid Singapore so much, this place is really too cold. Wrapping myself in many layers and having to wear hoodies and long track pants even in the room! I am someone who cover myself in double duvet without air con to go to sleep in Singapore, with the weather here, I am almost always frowning :( & damn, I really laugh a lot lesser when I am in the UK... Mostly because of the lousy weather! 

Ok maybe I shouldn't blame the weather too much, because maybe part of me is just really homesick. But for now, all is good, homesickness is still bearable. Everything is okay :-) So I shall just upload a splash of photos below :-) 

First rainbow of my life @ Cheshire Oaks :) 

I miss you guys hen duo hen duo :')

Our weekly cheat meal :)

(Which means we have good food outside instead of making our own meals)

Karen, G, Nixin and Chris snack box all the way from SG :) 

I miss you girls too <3

Manchester for X'mas market :) Coming back here reminds me of 

TP trip and my poly mates :') To the guys, faster finish NS! The 

girls are waiting for you guys!! 

Mooting, a nerve wrecking tough job. Quarter finals in 2 weeks time, hopefully I will be more well prepared and have more confidence in myself. My partner, Uncle Bok, have been helping me a lot and giving me lots of encouragements. I cannot ask for a better partner. Thank you BC! :) I will work harder than ever for the upcoming moots!!!! 

PS: No matter how okay I am here, I still want this year to pass faster so that I can go back to my sunny island and eat my hokkien mee, char kuay teow and carrot cake. Oh, and also run around in my shorts and slippers!! About 6 more months to go till summer break!!