Can't help myself

And it's gone, and it's gone..
Keep remembering this part from the song of the drama, EX.
Cuz this is the only nice part of this song I guess.. Can't help those ringing symphony of the song ringing in my head.. Anw, nowadays watching drama is a chore, chore, chore!! Fuck man, just fuck! Dk what is wrong w all the dramas that I am watching now! Every single one seems to have that same fucking plot, that same fucking piece of plot -.- Feeling so vulgar but wth.. I am pissed rn -.-

I am so tired, sleep and shag.. & this irresponsible person have the pleasure of not turning on his phone.. Then still go and turn around before he comes home.? And then he got key.. wtf.. And act like its non of his fucking business still.. Wish mom had a phone like seriously.. Arghh.. Too pissed to sleep rn.. Nothing is going smoothly..

This weekend gonna be a really busy one.. Sad to say, happy to say.? I really am not very sure.. Going to Lorriane's 21st birthday chalet to stay over~! Hope to enjoy~!

How can I feel sad and happy at the same time.?
How can I feel time flies and time crawls at the same time.?
Time is flying, yet I am still stuck in the moment.?? Its happiness all around me yet I choose to be stuck in the moment of sadness when my emotions are the strongest.? I really want to get out of this cruel world sometimes.. Want to go overseas so much.? But money is an issue -.- Sighh.. Die also can uh.. But I don't have the courage.? hahaha, and mom will be devastated.. yeah, suicide, dying, i am sure it will come across all of our minds, but to really do it, its either you're way too courageous or that you're way too selfish.. I think its stupid to die when you have problems, you're just pushing the problem to your family members..

Why people want to commit suicide.? Eliminating those that owe loansharks money, most of them die cuz they think nobody cares about them, they feel that they might as well disappear from this world.? Yeap. Thats for most of them.. And many of them just dk that there are pple who love them! So I guess we should treat those that we love w love, not hiding our love from them (: & who never think that way before.. "Nobody cares about me" "Nobody loves me" "Nobody want me" yeah, but its how your families and friends prove to you that they indeed do care about you isn't it.? & I am lucky cuz I know there are people who care about me I guess.?? & do I care about others? Oh, bloody hell yes.. So you don't fucking doubt my sincerity when I give you all my love !

Yeah, you don't fucking doubt me. you don't lie straight in my face. you don't try to use your superficial methods and think those could please me.. you just don't do this kind of things can or not.? Always contradicting what you yourself says. Cut you loose, yeah, that's what I will do, soon, soon, i promise myself.. Not letting you hurt me anymore! I believed you, I really want to trust and believe that you treat me with sincerity but I guess that's not the case.. What you're expressing are bullshits.. Shits you do.. Getting upset that you cannot bond with them.. oh yeah, you can forsake us, you totally can, just go get close w them and paw them as long as you enjoy it ok.? Don't act one pity.. Blame it on yourself for not putting in time and effort for your friends.. yeah, give everything up, just give everything up and be alone.. Only come to me when you need some service from me isn't it.? Your loneliness is your choice.. You better don't blame it on others.. I hate what you've become.. >:(

PS: Its heartbreaking to see the state you've choose to become..
(Sorry for all the vulgarities in this post)