Spring 2016

First day of spring, start of Easter break - 

I did what I do best, for the past 24 hours, I was asleep for 16 hours.. *Guilty* 

Even the mesmerising Kevin could not keep me awake.. I literally dozed off right in the screen while on Skype with him... HA HA HA 

Very glad that I can finally take a short break b'cos school'd been taking a toll on me.. Sophomore year ain't that easy for me. It feels like I am pushing through everything without having a goal of any sort. It feels like I am just going through the motion daily and doing whatever I should do, and sometimes I am just really unsure if I am going to get anything out of this. Nonetheless, I still put my foot one after another on these streets where I have no goals and accept that someday it will all make sense.. They say you can do what you want, but truth is, you can only do what you want after obeying all the rules and regulations. (That being said, I should probably start catching up on my missed lectures and tutorials..) 

Side note, 4am in the morning talking to Sam and thinking of them... I think all of them, regardless where they are, are working their arses off and trying to have a future brighter than Malcolm on a screen right now HAHAHA.. Therefore, I must work hard too! Gambatehh pple!! 

PS// 2 months away from home now and 3 more months to go... Currently craving 302 meesua, ramen, tehbing and korean food... 

Leow Chwee Seah

In memory of the most loving Grandpa of mine,

Quoting myself from Feb 2015

‘Before I came to the UK, I always felt that I should take this chance to travel more and everything.. But I have come to realise that, travelling can wait, my family cannot wait for me, I have to treasure and cherish the time left that I can spend with my family..’

And I am glad to say that I still feel this way now. The decision to fly back home this winter break is probably the best decision I’ve made in my whole life despite the workload during this holiday. Grandpa went to the arms of the angels without any warning for us. I am really thankful that I got the chance to spend lots of time with him before his demise. Nonetheless, it was still all too sudden. Nobody expected him to leave just like that, not even himself. He was already recovering from a minor lung infection in the hospital and waiting to be discharged. One day before he was transferred to the ICU and diagnosed with pneumonia, he was still reminding me to keep myself warm when I fly back to the UK.

However, pneumonia hit him hard and fast. Within hours contracting pneumonia, he couldn’t eat and breathe by himself anymore. He was in so much pain, yet he continuously stressed that he wanted to be home. (My grandpa even struggled with the nurses so that he could remove the oxygen mask and tell us that he wants to be home) We had to grant him his last wish, we hired a private ambulance, as the hospital do not provide these kind of ‘extraordinary’ services. Although the private ambulance took ages to arrive and the doctor said that he might not make it home, with his strong willpower, he persevered and made it. He fought to stay conscious throughout the journey home and only stopped breathing when he was lying comfortably on his bed. I am really so so proud of my gong gong.

Many say that my gong gong had lived a blessed life and passed on peacefully with all his 7 children by his bedside and most of his grandchildren accompanying him. Some even say that my gong gong loves me a lot and that his departure was so ‘timely’ because the day that I am leaving for UK would be the last ritual for him to rest in peace. But I don't know how you say good-bye to whom and what you love. I don't know a painless way to do it; don't know the words to capture a heart so full and a longing so intense.

Indeed, my heart is breaking right now, but you're my inspiration to move forward and persevere on. Please continue to watch over us. And I hope that you're in a warm and sunny place right now; I cannot forget how cold your hands were during your last few moments. I miss you so much already.

(I never knew the exact spelling of Gong's name before he was hospitalised)