Merry Xmas & Happy New Year (:

Blog is really outdated with my events and everything.
Been really busy this holiday. (Partly because this holiday is way too short)
Worked for straight 7 days.

Being alone at home never felt so good. And today's break comes with me ditching work this morning. Down with flu still.. I need to get better so that I can have fun (supposedly) at the countdown chalet. Things have not been going really well this holiday. FML & WTF flying through  my mind almost every single day.. so.. generally, still unhappy.. Sigh.. Nothing can cheer me up actually, nothing.

This post is to end this year. I suppose this would be the last post of the year, cuz I really have no time to blog. I havent even update Najiha's birthday celebration pictures lehh /:

To summarise things:

30112012
The celebration of Najiha's birthday. Spent the noon at Strictly pancakes with the girls (: Joey, Mandi, Sam, Cass & of course Najiha (: Then the night at swensens ion plus the guys !! (:

12122012
121212! Its my test day on OB! But Chirs & me went to catch SM TOWN LIVE IN TOKYO 3D in the theatre at tampines! hehe ^^ Love TVXQ <3 Of course all the artists too ~ Like Shinee, BoA~

14122012
Seoul Garden with classmates to celebrate Agatha's birthday ^^
Then Play Nation with badminton ppl ! KINECT WAS GOOD~! Muscle aching like mad the next dayy...  Then they had sakae sushi buffet while Daphne & me watch only cuz I was still full from seoul garden.. After that pool at timah for awhile, then HOMEEE

15122012
A werewolf boy with xiaoxin, nixin & christine <3
This movie is good (: The three girls cried like mad :'( Their poor jongki :(

Then Astons with team (: Nice food (:

Then I spent the night at Clarke Quay with Meitong & AhMei ! <3 Sweetest ! In love with Martell with mixtures hahahaha <3

16122012
Family day~ Watched the Hotel Transylvania with Ting (: Such a cute movie (:

17122012 - 19122012
Genting Baby (:
Genting trip with the gang. What more can I say? I enjoyed the trip a lot, even though the lack of sleep was killing me on the inside >:( Thanks Jingpeng for planning the trip and treating first day karaoke ^^ Thanks Swine for treating 2nd day karaoke! Happy! :D

22122012
Chinese Zodiac 12 with Sixian & Weiling ! :D
JACKKY CHANNN~! WUUUU HAAA!

23122012
Xmas celebration at xiaoyee's house <3
Family love (: Hehe, I realise how long i've not seen Jovie, she've grown so much (: Sorry bbg, I also dk why am I so busy nowadays :( Imy a lot de ok? Don't blame yiyi :( & thanks my aunts and cousin for the xmas prezzies! Its the thought that counts <3

I guess these are the outings that I remember..
I know this post is really boring.. But I guess its just to help me remember some friends, some events and some memories (: Cuz even when people go, memories and feelings still remains :*
Everything is gonna be alright :3

PS: 希望能找到活下去的理由～

One year

What was I doing this time, last year?

Oh, I remembered..

Oh, I love that memory..

Oh, I am just gonna keep it with me.. Forever..

Because #YOLO,

because I gave so much to make her happy,

because I won't have the chance to do it again,

because nothing will be the same again,

because I choose to be negative now,

because I chose to walk this path alone,

because I decide on avoidance and depression and,

because I don't know anything anymore..

PS: 与其说我不想见到你，不如说是我不知道该怎么面对你 :(

Blackalogy Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never hurt you. 12 12 12 2:29 PM

12.12.12

A date to remember,
but not a day to remember.

Day by day,
week by week,
month by month,
maybe even year by year?

PS: This is the worst, neither heaven nor hell.. /:

I love you with an I love you

Sometimes we can't treat others the way way they treat us.. And sometimes we just cannot reply an iloveyou with an iloveyou /:

Nth is going into my head now thats why i'm here /: Hope Dad is reaching soon so that I can go home. Sitting down here at hollandv's coffee bean, with rows of bars on my right blasting party musics, I... am... so... jealous of pple who are not having exams now !!! This is a place full of fun, joy, laughter, peace, anger & tears |: Oh how I miss those days? Haha.. Having a little hope that I will wake up one day with everything remaining the same? Wishful thinking me /: As if time will rewind.?! /: Things aren't ever gonna be the same again.. haha dkdc (:

Yeah. & Ive got to wrap up november on my blog !!! Anw JIAYOU TO MYSELF FOR ONE MORE WEEK :D

PS: Just because you can’t understand something, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. –Arthur (The Sword in the Stone)

3 more hours :(

3 more hours of sleep left yet I am here.. Cuz I can't fall asleep..
And I am thinking the reason is because I am too angry >:(
I was looking forward to today since last week.. But.. Things just don't go my way yea?
Today its not about my point of view of anything.. Its just me, myself and I.. Its just about my life.. Complaints and unhappiness.. A life thats not interesting for you to care about..

Pretty pissed off at the class work and everything just don't seem to go well ! :( After today I feel that I should just shut up, stop talking and giving any ideas.. ya, I should just say I cannot make it then you won't feel pekcek and upset isn't it.? I shouldn't even give up my time to go.. Ya, its me that wanna go, its not you guys that want me to go isn't it.? I go or don't go also the same what.. Its becoming a habit.. If I can make time for people, I will do it, no complaints no nothing.. I don't expect any gratefulness but you don't criticise me ok.? Hey, Idk if I am taking things too seriously or what.. But, I have feelings too okay.? It sucks when my close friends just doubt me like nobody business.. Dejecting, demoralising and hurting.. Ok lor, my taste for shows sucks, my taste for guys sucks, my taste for books sucks, my taste for food sucks, my taste for games sucks, my taste for clothing sucks, my taste for everything sucks, my skills for everything sucks ok?! Happy?! My choice of words sucks, my ideas sucks, the activities I like sucks, the music I like sucks, the places I go to sucks.. Everything about me just sucks ok?! OKAY?! Whatever you do and have is the best la ok?! You make the best decision and you have the best taste.. I shouldnt give my opinion to anything anymore cuz my opinion won't even be taken into account.. "Aiya, shiman say one cannot be trusted, shiman do one cannot be trusted" Yeah, I guess I just cannot be trusted.. Cuz everything about me is so lousy, lousy beyond words.. I should give up, give up trying to find pple to do the things I like with me.. Cuz nobody likes them..

Idw this anger to win and overwhelm me..
I want to tell myself you don't mean it and everything.. but I just cant..
Not once, not twice, but its so frigging obvious about your attitude towards me..
ya, ppl tickle me I get scared and I fidget is my fault.. yah my fault. I am the one thats childish. Ok can, you damn mature, you damn fucking mature. yeah right. -.- & how you criticise on ppl's dressing, please look at yourself first.. I cannot stand it anymore.. You wear that.. It doesn't even look legit ok -.- Damn and I realise I talk rubbish when I am tired.. When I go gaga, I make ppl angry too.. Daphne got angry with me on whatsapp ytd... Sigh.. ya, cuz I talk rubbish when Im tired, hungry.. Rant and rant and rant.. I needa sleep :(

And to someone, ‎"I am not the one you want right now and maybe I never will be. Of course it hurts to think of it this way but there is no use pretending otherwise. Whatever happens, I just hope you will find someone who makes you smile every day. Someone who will challenge you to be a better person, someone who will open your heart and your mind and your eyes, someone who will deserve you and everything that you are." I pity you a lot cuz you don't know your worth.. Or maybe you think too highly of others.. Ask yourself, are you really a better person now? I don't think so my dear >_<

PS: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WTF YOU PEOPLE HAVE IN YOUR F-ING MINDS.

Blurrrrrrest !

I've gotta post about this..
I never thought I'd be blur to this extent..
I know I am a blursotong.. But this is seriously tooooooo blur~!! I cannot stand myself anymore!! Just posted previously that I need to be more focus and everything and now this happen !!! >:( Quite disappointed and angry with myself!!

Ok so this is what happened. I reached my workplace at around 10.30 ytd to change into my uniform. I was punctual, no rush at all.. Just a bit tired from my lack of sleep.. So I happily change into my uniform, went for lunch at the canteen and start work... Then 2300! Time to go home! I took off my uniform and opened my bag, guess what, I BLOODY HELL CANT FIND MY CLOTHES INSIDE MY BAG! I WAS SO PANIC AND SCARED! TOTALLY IN SHOCKKKK!!!! (Yeah, I didn't put my clothes into my bag in the morning /: ) one of the blurrest thing I ever done in my 18 years of life although I do have many embarrassing moments. SiXian was like, don't tell me you cant find ur shirt hor ! but LUCKILY NOBODY TOOK MY SHIRT FOR THE PAST 12 HOURS! It was still laying at the place i put it.. But damn I swear I really freaked out /:/: I really need to learn how to be more careful with my stuffs *Phew*

Sad part is that GuoWen keeps pushing me to share with her smth that I dont even wanna bring it up anymore. Sorry babe, its not that i don't trust you, its not that idw to share, its just that I cant. I want everyone to rmb them as the most beautiful them (: I cannot bear to spoil any of their image (:

In your memory, its a beautiful them, let it stay this way (:

PS: I tried remembering your password, but I don't remember it anymore ( : Two down !

Skyfall: 007

Have not been updating on my life I guess? Super lazy pig over here..
Anw I caught Skyfall: 007 with KL !!

I'd say the movie is not bad~!! hehe ^^ Enjoyed the gun shooting a lot.. & that Old lady finally die.. RIP M (':
But all in all I still hate war shows esp those that shows army that chiong to each other and blah blah blah.. Shooting Lord of the rings indirectly >_< ( I tried so hard to finish the 3 movies but.. I am still not done with it )

I want to blog about Sixian's prom and Kranji Badminton Camp but not now! Cuz I still have learning session 4 to be done~! Sigh !!

This week was really a busy week, so ytd when I came home from camp, I slept like 13h straight till 10am this morning.. But nevertheless it was not a peaceful sleep ! I still had nightmare.. Random people that I don't even contact with ! Dreamt of them laughing at my GPA !! Wtf !! Sigh.. What a nightmare >:(

Looking forward to dinz with PehLayTeng, PehLayPing & BingBong tonight <3 Its been awhile since 4 of us go out and keesiao together. Just Fun, Joy & Laughter.. Looking forward to next week too (:

But on the side note, I need to stop going out after next week, just to concentrate on my studies for awhile~ Shiman! You can do it!! (:

Bye!

PS: Life Goes On (:

Why can't I nap /:

Since when did I became like this?
Since that incident?
Yes, since that time, since that frigging time.

On board of 168 from tamp to woodlands. Having a seat, but I just can't fall asleep. Its been months this physical change is affecting me. I rmb the old me. The old me where I have the ability to doze off at any bus rides. even the shortest rides like 10min?! But now, even if I'm taking from one end to the other end of sg, I just cant fall asleep.. And thats the reason why am I blogging now... Too bored on board yet I JUST CANNOT FCUKING SLEEP~! Arghh.. Dreams still haunts me every sleep but I guess I'm getting used to all those random yet vivid dreams. Except if it happens when I'm about to wake up. Those dreams just suck all my energy.. i wish I know how to make full use of my time..

Today. Disappointed. On the verge of tearing. Cuz of School. I'm actually glad that I still care about my school work.. Haha, I do care I guess? But cuz of a small mistake i got penalised like a lot.. So it was really depressing and demoralising. Even my tutor said she was sorry to penalise me so heavily but sigh, I can only blame myself for being so carless.. SM ah SM, you need to be more focus and less blur okay???!! Believe that you are able to make up for it !!

PS: 他们说: 傻人有傻福 - NOOOO! You need to be more careful and stop being a foolish blur blur !!! *Fighting*

Break ups

I am being random.. These thoughts just came by me.. /:

So many relationships around me going crazy and all..

I feel sad for them.. Some are better off some aren't..

But just a little note from my point,

breaking up because the feelings are just not there anymore, and you tell the truth to the other party, I guess its okay, its better.. But breaking up when both of you have feelings for each other, when its because of all those lies cause by greediness and when you know things won't work out anymore.. I guess this situations hurts so much more.. 

Time for breakfast & school in this rainy weather :(

Sigh pie day ahead :(

PS: Just be glad that it is not you (:

Bound to drift apart |:

I cannot deny, deep down inside, that I am angry somehow. Nor am I able to deny this feeling of sadness, frustration and dejection. Somehow, it gives me a feeling that each and every person is insulting the friendship that we had, the memories that we share and bond that we built. 

Yes, I'm trying to see that it is not my fight anymore, when people don't listen, nor do they even try to share, and only say that they are tired, and don't wish to talk about it anymore. It was a problem, and it is still is, if people only think they are tired and refuses to make it happen together. 

Run, go on, run as far as you can, and point the finger back to people you run from. Everyone is tired and running in opposite direction while pointing at each other. You think its fun trying to reach out to all direction, trying to hold everyone back a little just so we can try to resolve this issue. 

But no. I'm not going to say it's not fun and that I am tired here. Because I will end up like everyone who did.

(Quoted from FB)

I hate it when I am able to relate to sadness, unhappiness and dejection :( It's really sad when people you know become people that you knew and how you used to be able to talk to them and now you can barely look at them. Its as if nobody takes you seriously.. From somebody that I can plan my calendar with to somebody I used to know.. Like everybody is bound to drift apart.. I hate the fact that I have to tell someone oh, I used to be close with him/her, oh, when we hanged out tgt this and that blah blah blah~ What happened to putting in effort to stay tgt.?? I keep telling myself to accept those facts.. Look, how many primary school friends do you rmb.? I can say almost none.. Look at this fact, we are all gonna drift apart and end up being alone someday. I told myself these goodbyes are part and parcel of my life.. But tbh, tears well up every single time I miss the past. I will never understand how fast things and people can change. I've seen people who can be really close to you for like 3 days and then boom, they disappeared all of the sudden. Now with facebook, the pain just multiply by a thousand times. Whenever I look at those past albums.. I can see people who are never ever gonna appear in my future albums.. Even the closest ones.. And thats what hurts the most.. How did this happen.? I seriously hate this.. And I hate what I am feeling now.. If I miss something, I will definitely use my actions to prove it.. But some people, don't deserve this, and don't worth my time. I know, I know. I hate that I care for people who used to care about me (even though idk if they were real).. That day when I went to mei's house.. I saw those polaroids.. I took photos of them.. But what for.? I can't even post them up and tell the whole world how much I miss those times.. Cuz those people are gone like forever.. China or where Idk lah hor.. Just gone.. I just really want to breakdown every single time my heart aches :( Everything changed, I hate how life works.

& so i told myself that words don't mean anything, unless your actions comply to them. Posting IMY everyday is not going to bring back anything if you don't do something about it. Don't post for the sake of posting cuz all you have got nth else to post. So you post about your beautiful past memories which you won't ever have now. yeap, all those words, though not lie, are worst than lies. Give hopes and crush them.. Slam straight into their faces if they could see it.. Sometimes I wonder, what else can you sacrifice.? Wealth, health, friendships and even family...? If you chose and create loneliness, please don't regret it (: And stop saying things which you don't have the intention to do it.. haha, you think I dont't have the means to give my friends a bday treat myself? Gave you a chance but you seem to be throwing it away.. Suan le ba, this small money, I can help you to pay (: & tbh, I also have the means to pay for my own needs.. Do you think I really need you? Nope. Talk no action once again. I can take action myself (:

------------------------------

Today was a bad day.. Late for class..

Fluuuuu and runny nose for the whole day.. Cold until wanna die...

My CDS: Understanding Theatre.. I am the only one that cannot upload my journals~!!

Sir said, stress are absorbed by your body and will affect you physically..

So true, so true :(

PS: Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Missing is just a part of moving on.

Ah Boys to Men

A JACK NEO FILM.

So.... I went to catch this movie a few hours ago with MeiTongYap (:
And today was a longgg dayyyy, this will not be my only post cuz I've so much to talk about.. Yeah, I am this talkative and nonsensical (: Cannot tahan myself sometimes..

Haha, back to topic. Ah Boys To Men.
I. DON'T. KNOW. HOW. TO. APPRECIATE. THIS. MOVIE. >:(

The above statements says it all...
When everybody was hyped about this movie, I got interested..
Then MeiTong asked me to go and watch...
I only view the trailer today during break.. I LMAO DUE TO THE LAMENESS..
Claimed to have the most visual effects of local movies..
I guess so.? But the effects are... errr... I am speechless about it..
I almost wanted to text Tong that Idw to watch this movie.. I rather watch twilight or Skyfall ._.
But I know Tong doesn't really like english movies.. sooo.. I was hoping the movie will be more meaningful than the trailer since everybody is saying that its a movie worth watching..

To my disappointment, I almost wanted to fall asleep in the theatre..

Anw, war shows are not my type.
Its really saddening to watch them. Yet this movie made it a joke. So I wanna cry cannot cry, wanna laugh cannot laugh. Whut, like really whutttt~!!!?! Sigh..

Waste my monehh :(

(Lazy to attach pictures and trailers blah blah blah)

Extraordinary

Tasted extraordinary. Can't go back to ordinary.

Quoted: 还是没习惯国内的生活，总感觉缺少了些什么.虽然回到了家.但并没有想象中家的温暖.是长大了 还是我变了...

生活变了，我们也变了，怎么还会习惯那平平淡淡的生活呢？
尝了山珍海味，又有谁还会说家常便饭好吃呢？可能吧。不过那就要你吃得腻了。如果就是轻轻的尝了一口，你难道不会想吃下去吗？Of course, the life you experienced was so colourful, to expect yourself to get use to the plain life once again, its gonna be hard, and you will not be used to it definitely. Life is such irony. You want thrills and yet you want inner peace.

Tonight is one of the night where negative emotions comes to haunt me.
Someone told me how I wish I was prettier and richer. I told that someone, neither r/s nor friendship should go for that. But tonight I don't have that confident for my statement. You need to be pretty on the outside and the inside before anyone wants you. It's like wtfff, but that is how harsh this world is right now. Tonight is a bad night. Should be doing against rather be doing. Should be washing, studying, ah wtv. but I am not. Pretty wasted my night :(

I don't have that confident anymore.
Cuz life is so harsh upon us.

Fairness? Only Time has it. Time stop for no one and speed up for no one.
But sometimes I wish I can there is a pause button, really, I only need a pause button /:

Stress is the only word for me now /:

PS: To be able to memorise the shape of a P, you're blessed (:

Work

Yesterday WengLoong asked Jastine and me, why do you want to work?
I didn't know how to answer I swear. Just feel like doing it? Im not sure myself. To say that I am short of cash? Not really. I am too free so I work? Also not really. Its just that when you start to work, its like part of your life, you feel like you have to do it.. Although I dont have much commitment to this part time job, but yeah, I still go back to this place after so many challenges isn't it?

Working is like my CCA |: Thats all I can say..

So many times, I wanted to leave that place, that cursed place.. & every single time I go back. At least for now, it's just work, MeiTong and Sixian.. Too straight.? Nah I don't think so. Everyone else have their own life and they actually don't really give a shit about you.. Making use of you and everything, argh, whatever.. Its about 2 years since I worked here.. Although in between there were times that I really left, 3 months of haitus during the start of this year, and subsequently don't feel like coming to work and everything, I am still stuck here rn. SADLY :(

Even though I met a lot of sad things at this place, this place taught me a lot. Showed me the true colours of the evil world. Without evil I won't know what is good, so I am thankful too. Now, its just pure working. "The feeling of meeting new people cures your loneliness but only temporary.. How I wished it was permanent.." hahaha, this is quoted (: People I met in this place, from the worst to the best, so different, so different.

Ytd, I saw so many ppl I know once again.. Paper1, paper2, Olvl~! hahaha~! Reminds me of those retarded times we had together while working last time~! Sweet and sour memories hehe ^^

I want to leave so badly, but sometimes its just that I am used to it :(

--

My To-Do-List after next week's run for hope:
- Find Guowen, Meitong & AhMei to ICESKATEE (:
- SWIMMING (:

Hope life will be more relaxing and things will go according to my imagination for once(:

PS: Another girl like that. Doubting faithfulness :<

Just not at home /:

Yaye, naye? Had been staying out really too often.. Till the point I wonder if my mom is angry with me or not /:

So here's the update of some beautiful memories that I'd love to keep (:

24-25 October 2012

My dearest AhMei's birthday celebrations <3
On 24th, it was dinner with MeiTong, SiXian & her! Meitong and me treated them the dinner.. (Don't rly know how to post this section here due so some pissy reason, it's okay though <: )
Its been so long since 4 of us came together to meet up, talk rubbish, take pictures and all that crap we do lah hor ! Miss you girls a lot.. We're all busy with our lives, we don't really have time, but tadaa, we still love one another so so much! Tongtong came all the way from SengKang to Jurong to help them celebrate ok!

So we ate some korean food at JCube and took Neoprint and talk rubbish! Hehe ^^
MeiTong stayed over at my house cuz my parents were overseas~ LUCKILY SHE STAYED OVER! THERE WAS A FUCKING COCKROACH IN MY ROOM! SUPERWOMAN MEITONG HELPED ME TO BAYGON-ED IT !!!! <3 YOU LIKE MAD! Thankkew wan sui wan sui ! (: Then the bro helped to clear away the dead body! Hahahaha, mad love these kids! (:

Then on the 25th, I went bpp after school to but P.Osh cheesecake to Ahmei's house and celebrate with her again lor~! With her Qt cousin~!!! <3

Some photos with my Qt pies ^^

27-28 October 2012

Going to cassandra's house to have a feast and celebrate her 18th birthday!

Similarly to the previous year, her mom cooked like tons of food, literally tons of food to fill those hungry beasts!! The boys ate like non-stop and the food depleting rate at the start was horrific to even witness! LOL, it was quite a night. I didnt want to leave so badly cuz they were all like staying and tonning but I had to leave to lorraine's 21st which I promised my cous that I'd be there with her /:

So after eating the best lagsana on earth, shark fin soup, chicken wings, desserts, tiramisu cake etc etc, I left for lorraine's 21st at Pasir ris chalet..! :D

My eyebags here.. wthh.. >:(

Anw happy birthday lorraine ~! hehehe, all grown up already !!

She have great family and friends that was so welcoming even though Idk most of them!!

Hehe, great to have known here <3

3-4 November 2012

Stayed over at Park Regis Hotel to celebrate Sixian's and Afi's birthday! YAYE!

No words can describe the time I spent with them.. Love them all <3

Decorations, photos, polaroids and full of shocks instead of surprises that day, haha, I JUST LOVE THESE PEOPLE TTM~~!!!!

And like 4 person finished 3/4 Vodka in 1 hour.. I think we drank a bit too fast.. So haha, almost all of us puked and become part-time merlion /: Afiqah was the worst LOL, She. Was. Drunk. !! She was sprouting nonsense and making the sounds of birds! LOL, and she talked non stop for like the whole night until she sleep.. The whole room stink of vomit but haha, it was a fun night.. I CRIED FOR GOD SAKE :( It's like I become so emotional when I think about blah blah blah! Weiling said: 你有我们还不够吗？ I don't mean you girls are not good or anything! You girls are the best I could ever ask for.. But.. the heartache of losing a friend is still there no matter what.. Its like having a boyfriend doesn't mean that you want to give up all your friends isn't it.?? Its like you have 2 same pens, you lost one, although you still have the other one, you still feel the loss.. Arghh.. /: Me is greedy yes :(

Haha, photos here!

With Aqilah~!!!

Shan hates this pic cuz she closed her eyes, but I MAX LOVE IT (:

Then.. It's Weekdays..

Hahahahhahahaha.. But this week was really not bad cuz I enjoyed watching POL-ITES at ITE West almost every other day (: Today is the last match but nobody is free to go.. Im not really free today too.. So siann :( Hope all the teams play well today ! (: Need to thanks WengLoong for asking me to go watch on Monday! If not I won't even know when badminton polites starts~! Haha, and just nice can go accompany weiling cuz she SP supporter! woo hooo! Even tho I'm not in TP badminton but as a student of TP, of course some parts of me would want TP to earn the honour.. But, lets leave it to the team to fight for the Champion!!! Tho the outcome is already quite decided after the last few matches since its a round robin match.. Nevertheless I think all teams played great~!!!

& lucky thing is my primary school friend recognised me instantly! LOL! Nice to meet a new old friend(: I'd love to keep in contact w my old friends but its really easy to drift apart :(

PS: To even know you exist, its a great honour already (:

#YouReallySiao

Guess I will soon have to update on my two awesome weekends with the gang & my team (:
But as for now, I need to rage really badly >:( Arghh~~!!

After all that I've seen and heard, I seriously think that there is something really wrong with this batch of kss' students.. Not my batch duh.. But one of the batches after me.. Sigh, shouldn't say too much as this blog is kind of public :( You guys are really stupid, crazy and retarded.. I mean yeah I do have friends from this batch, even the closest ones but wtf are those that i know/dk, they really got smth wrong ahhh~!!?!?! And no offence to anybody, they come from that same two NA classes.. Don't have any intention to stereotype NA people definitely.. Anw I think its their own personal issues anyway.. But what are you guys doing.?!?! Yeah, you guys are doing well for your studies, I guess.?? But your manners and mindset are so screwed up that I've got nothing to say?! Some are just so ridiculous and selfish while some are plain stupid and those nice ones end up getting hurt by you.?! What what what mannn.. Ppl don't copy you ok, & ppl don't judge you, you guys just think too much.. As if the world's attention is on you guys.? Damn, no way -.- You people should be cut loose from this world, understand that actually nobody cares about what you want to do, and stop living in self pity trying to seek attention, acting like a big boss wanting ppl to be under your service and complaining non stop about your life.. This is life, this is your fucking life.. So be glad about it -.-

PS: YOU MAKE ME PISSED OFF >:/

Where is that something?

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life. All that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about. - Albert Einstein

Can't help myself

And it's gone, and it's gone..
Keep remembering this part from the song of the drama, EX.
Cuz this is the only nice part of this song I guess.. Can't help those ringing symphony of the song ringing in my head.. Anw, nowadays watching drama is a chore, chore, chore!! Fuck man, just fuck! Dk what is wrong w all the dramas that I am watching now! Every single one seems to have that same fucking plot, that same fucking piece of plot -.- Feeling so vulgar but wth.. I am pissed rn -.-

I am so tired, sleep and shag.. & this irresponsible person have the pleasure of not turning on his phone.. Then still go and turn around before he comes home.? And then he got key.. wtf.. And act like its non of his fucking business still.. Wish mom had a phone like seriously.. Arghh.. Too pissed to sleep rn.. Nothing is going smoothly..

This weekend gonna be a really busy one.. Sad to say, happy to say.? I really am not very sure.. Going to Lorriane's 21st birthday chalet to stay over~! Hope to enjoy~!

How can I feel sad and happy at the same time.?
How can I feel time flies and time crawls at the same time.?
Time is flying, yet I am still stuck in the moment.?? Its happiness all around me yet I choose to be stuck in the moment of sadness when my emotions are the strongest.? I really want to get out of this cruel world sometimes.. Want to go overseas so much.? But money is an issue -.- Sighh.. Die also can uh.. But I don't have the courage.? hahaha, and mom will be devastated.. yeah, suicide, dying, i am sure it will come across all of our minds, but to really do it, its either you're way too courageous or that you're way too selfish.. I think its stupid to die when you have problems, you're just pushing the problem to your family members..

Why people want to commit suicide.? Eliminating those that owe loansharks money, most of them die cuz they think nobody cares about them, they feel that they might as well disappear from this world.? Yeap. Thats for most of them.. And many of them just dk that there are pple who love them! So I guess we should treat those that we love w love, not hiding our love from them (: & who never think that way before.. "Nobody cares about me" "Nobody loves me" "Nobody want me" yeah, but its how your families and friends prove to you that they indeed do care about you isn't it.? & I am lucky cuz I know there are people who care about me I guess.?? & do I care about others? Oh, bloody hell yes.. So you don't fucking doubt my sincerity when I give you all my love !

Yeah, you don't fucking doubt me. you don't lie straight in my face. you don't try to use your superficial methods and think those could please me.. you just don't do this kind of things can or not.? Always contradicting what you yourself says. Cut you loose, yeah, that's what I will do, soon, soon, i promise myself.. Not letting you hurt me anymore! I believed you, I really want to trust and believe that you treat me with sincerity but I guess that's not the case.. What you're expressing are bullshits.. Shits you do.. Getting upset that you cannot bond with them.. oh yeah, you can forsake us, you totally can, just go get close w them and paw them as long as you enjoy it ok.? Don't act one pity.. Blame it on yourself for not putting in time and effort for your friends.. yeah, give everything up, just give everything up and be alone.. Only come to me when you need some service from me isn't it.? Your loneliness is your choice.. You better don't blame it on others.. I hate what you've become.. >:(

PS: Its heartbreaking to see the state you've choose to become..
(Sorry for all the vulgarities in this post)

Break Your Heart x/3

Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz~ Fated with this song today~ While I was gonna tweet nowplaying to this song, weichiat tweet to us "I'm gonna break break your break break your heart" Hilarious really :D Little things in life that makes me satisfied and please (:

So first day of school was okay.. But I was really sleepy and my eyes were really dry from yesterday.. So.. Sigh..! Day 1 without my mom, enjoyed it (: Dk I cry for what ytd.. hahaha.. I really cannot accept XOs now.? Make me wanna cry onlyyyy~!! :(

So I went Ion to get some stuffs with Christine ~! ^^ Sad that Xiaoxin and Georgina got workk~ & Nixin's finger got cut ! She haven't reply my text still ~! Hais, forever !!!

About one year since I last had steamboat at steamboat shop, hehe, this year's birthday steamboat at JP's house really goooood (:

PS: Why didn't you sing this song to me.?? :<

And it's gone

So we didn't had Watami :( Had some CoCo Curry house at The Star Vista ~ So spicyyyy Imma dieeee :( Then was about to head home ytd but ting suggested KBox with Valerie ~ So there I go.. Its been awhile since I meet up with them so yeah, KBox~ Sang w my already bad throat so it got worseeee :( Sigh, oh whatever..

I am feeling emotional for no good reason now.. Get so pissed easily :( Why? :( Mom nag at me then I feel pissed.? Looking forward to tomorrow when dad and her will be going overseas? What a noob daughter -.- I hate myself.. Useless piece of shit ! School is starting tomorrow, I am not ready, like seriously.. I need to be in control of my life :( Control my thoughts, control my mind and control my actions..

I hate myself so much now that I feel like I am just a burden to my family and friends. I hate how I am feeling now. I hate this "I don't know what to do" feeling that I've been getting recently.. Everything also dk, everything also cannot decide.. Seriously how can I be so noob!?! Why can't I have a proper goal and work towards it.?! Idk what I want.. Idw anything.. Sometimes I feel like I might as well just graduate from poly then get some job that will get me through my life.. No need to be rich, just do ok will do.. Some metal bowl, sign on, nie.? Idk. Very lost now.. Sigh.. Graduate then say ba ?! Sigh~!! Guess this is it.?? Guess this is my sucky life of don't know what to do.. (-.-)|||

And I hate myself for being such a loser in front of you.. Making you sad, depressed and unhappy. That's all I am doing now isn't it.?! I want you to be happy yet I am the one hurting you.. Hate me.?? Better for you I guess.? All the promises, gone. All the trusts, gone. All the times, gone. I miss you, I miss those times we spent together.. You tell me you dowan me to let go, but I can't help feeling that if I let go, you will be happier isn't it.? Show it to me.

PS: Need to buck up.

眼泪笑了 － 刘力扬

Edited: Saw this on Sam's blog~!! HAHAHA~! I am so glad to have this keyboard friend, remember how we used to MSN till we debate, quarrel in the middle of the night.. Then next morning we are still best friends~ LOL (: Although now we spend lesser times together, but we still know what we're supposed to know abt each other and still care.? Maybe this bitch don't care about me seriously. If I need a hug she'd just give me one tight slap ba. LOL. But her texts are what keeps me believing that she still heart me yo! Truths only comes out when she spams keyboard hahhaa~~! Virtual hugs!

Unlike girls, one FFFFF is all you need and then boooom they will fall out.
Though shiman may be the exception, countless FFFFF has been thrown at her but we never fall out. But I know there are times when she also buay song also.

Reply: Of course some times will buay song what~~! We are so FFFF different~! But ah ya, you know I got a mind wired like a boy sometimes. anything just SUA SUA only~! Forgiving much, will stick by your ass forever.. hahaha~! Yeap, as long as you dont cross the line you know I don't mind doing certain things for you/friends~! (: No matter how many times you FFFFF me, as long as your heart still treats me as a friend, I won't let go of our 孽缘的～！！I will never forget you CCB on the phone at me before ! :P

Just wanna blog about this song cuz I relate so much to it.. Going to xian's in an hour cuz I really miss her and guess I could be there for her to tutor her math.. Im kinda nervous for my friends' O levels and A levels.. haha, feel like its sucha big step for them.. Hope they would make something out of it... And I am looking forward to dinnering at Watami later on with Peishan & Weiling (:

Parents going to Phuket for a week, like when my school starts. Leaving my brother and me at home alone.. Tbh, I am kind of happy. I just can't get use to my mom being at home all the time as if she doesn't need to work.. For the past 16 years she had been working all day, all night. Then suddenly she doesn't need to work that much, just sit at home read newspaper all that.. It's been around 2 years but I still cannot get use to it.. I adapt to things really slowly I guess.. 

I am left about 1 day plus of holidays... Come to think of it, I really don't know what I did for this holiday.. Best thing would be my Krabi trip I guess.. Sadness x1000 when I came back to Singapore.. All too familiar, all too scary.. Sigh.. Keep telling myself, I will be able to smile tomorrow, I will.. I guess all I can do now is to keep my faith and continue to believe that there are people for me.. It gets annoying when people emo for a long period of time.. & I want to smile so badly!! 

比想像中更痛
你真的沒回頭
我命令眼淚不許失控

回憶不跟你走
都擠在我心中
我就有責任讓它值得被珍重

謝謝你曾讓我難過
謝謝我沒有想太多
當愛情左盼右顧的時候

我眼淚都笑了 誰還想哭呢
再勇敢的站著 找回光和熱
面對你的時候 我不會捨不得
因為你已是過客 因為路有些曲折 是美的

我眼淚都笑了 誰還會哭呢
來不及完美的 就唱首驪歌
想起你的時候 我不是卑微的
反而我沒有遺憾 因為我已愛過你 深深的

心碎成了沙漠 就快開鑿綠洲
我沒有時間不知所措

你溫柔的雙手 本就不屬於我
又何必在乎它以後屬於誰呢
--
I want to thank this friend for caring about me these past two days. Its been awhile since we contacted each other but I realise that no matter how long we don't contact each other, this friendship is still there (: Really very touched, and haha, thanks for not disappointing me (: Younger than me, but so much more mature.. Treating me like a 10 year old girl.. Telling me things that I hate ! Ah bish ! Forever siah you guys ! Why do pple always do that to me.? Telling me the cruelty of others, showing me the true colours of the world.. Making me even more afraid than anything else.. *Reminders reminders* I know you meant well, like him, like her, you pple just want me to grow up, stop being so naive and gullible.. And stop trying to please others.. But she knows, I am like this. This is me. Broke down again on the phone ytd.. Then it reminds me of the previous time I broke down on the phone.. Cuz of the same person.. Sigh.. You really have the power to let my tears stream don't you.?? Cuz you can be so cold, really cold.. :<

PS: Every road, every step, just all too familiar. Remember who spam me texts and got me texting.?? (':

100th

Its my 100th post~!
This is my longest surviving blog since my lower sec blog which I've already private it cuz I was really retarded back then.. And my blog was really kuku.. Blue blue and kuku !

Dedicating my 100th post to Peishan & Samantha (:
Promised to write them my long long birthday wishes isn't it.?? (: Here I am.

TO SAMANTHA TAN WAN TING:
Hello bitch (: Ok now Idk what to tell you already la ! I know you take all my bullshit.. Say that I already telling you rubbish when I am sober cannot imagine if i am drunk..! Seriously you know whenever i tell you things its like i don't really expect anything out of it.. I just feel like sharing things to you uh.. I guess you're just someone I can trust fully.. I know you judge me to the maximum la.. But no matter what you are still there for me when I need you I guess.? I mean like.. you just let me rot at your house or whatever la.. Gosh, our friendship is just so weird.. you know sometimes I feel so unwanted by you! haha, but every time your blog, you text and everything just reminds me that you still treat me as your friend just that you don't really know how to express your concern (: I guess I can understand.. You've been in front of your computer for like dk how many years, you are just better at typing out what you think rather than saying it out.. I know A levels is important to you and you sincerely want to do well! I wish you all the best for your As and I bet you're going to score well ! You've the discipline that I lack.. You can control your mind, what you think and how you think. You've seen a lot too I guess.. I wish I could be like you sometimes, poker face, act like a nth, and control my emotions like a pro.. But I guess I can never do that.?! That is just not Shiman LOL. Can I wish that you will leave your house more often after A levels.? hahahaha :3 Thank you for being my friend for like since primary school.. Every time I am about to do smth wrong, you appear in my mind, hahaha! Sam will kill me for this ! Keeps me sane and keeps me going.. & for you, you know that I am here for you la! Throw all your troubles to me if you want a listening ear and also, you know I will help financially or physically or emotionally if i can de la hor ! So if you know I can help, just approach (: xoxo

TO YEO PEI SHAN:
I wanted to tell you a lot of things.. But always cannot say in your face, cuz you always shoot me lah ! Shiman ahh, you damn stupid ahh.. Why ah shiman whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?! LOL! Later you shoot me again uhhhh! You are an understanding girl, and you know how to move on when you should ! Every once in a while think about the past, its okay la (: I am surprise how we became friends really! I thought you hated me during lower secs.. cuz like I was not your clique or wtv.. But now I guess we're stuck tgt and things have become a lot better for us.. I can't rmb how we transit and became friends eh.. Just like that lor ! you play really hard and work really hard ! Continue to do that yo!! I really salute you cuz you are always so focus and not confused by those worthless things.. Even if something bad comes before you, you still know how to shift it away and focus on what's most important.. You don't get affected by your emotions easily and thats really admirable ! Hahas, I am really glad to have you as a friend now, you always know what to do, and although you might seems pissy at times, I know in your heart you are not that angry luh hor (: All the best for A levels, rmb to take some time out to relax and enjoy.. Holland V got a lot of nice food yo! If not more white hairs coming out le uh ! I will try to make the chalet the best even if you cannot make it, you must enjoy your trip tooo ^^ Your soul is with us I know (:

--

Its hard to smile these days because nothing seems to affect me.. Been through too much.. I am not sad but just not happy.. Every smile brings me sadness.. Now I smile because I am touched, touched that you guys are still by my side.. The pain of important pple leaving my life will never leave me.. Just like if someone impt dies, the pain stays in your heart forever.. People that are alive, I can only cherish them, and smile at them. but that doesnt mean I forgot the pain.. Its still there, it will always be there (': I choose to believe in the goodness, and remember the dead at his best (': Tears welling up in my eyes for no good reason, awake in the bus for no good reason.. Physical change and mental change, its to obvious to even ignore them, just gonna accept myself for who I am.. I am like this.. Wounds heals but scars remains.. Looking for a reason to live and not merely existing.. Looking for my enthusiasm still.. Still want to believe that I will find the reason some where some time.. Just have to be brave and not to be afraid of this world.. 有人说：“你不可以这样的，要相信” I will try (:

Being an adult |:

So yeap 10 October 2012 marks my 18th birthday (:
I spent it in Krabi, worth it.. I didn't want to really have any celebration cuz they're all having their A levels and they are all really busy I guess (: I do gain more freedom now most applicable to me will be buying of drinks? hahaha, the first thing I bought in Singapore since I turned 18 (:

All my birthday celebrations flash though my minds, last year was especially vivid (: Rmb when I was in sec3, my Amaths was so screwed, then bryan they all came with water gun and strawberry shortcake! lol.. Then, sec4? Running around black market bball court.? hahaha! Last year, first time eating steamboat, Kbox surprise, and most importantly the warren bbq surprise by both the gang & six6! xoxo! Some memories really brings tears (': But they are all mine to keep, and they are all part of my life.. Why would I even want to forget them.?? Then I am forgetting part of myself.. Good ones, bad ones, they are all part of my life, I want to keep them, pain, tear, smiles or laughters, I love them equally (:

Thankful for the dinner with weiling, daphne & sixian <3
Its a mini dinner and really impromptu one, but I really appreciate it <3

Lunch with Georgina, Nixin, Xiaoxin & Christine!
Thank you loves for the card and present <3
Really appreciate it and it was really great to meet up and talk nonsense with you girls ! MISS YOU A LOT A LOT !! Gonna see you girls soonw hen school reopens ! (:

And I want to thank Charlene, for keeping her promise, someone that really makes me wanna believe that there are still people out there who give a shit about what they say to other people (: I promise you I will try to face this world with more courage !

Also, thanks those who made the effort to wish me happy birthday especially those that text message me.. Cherie you damn cute uh~!!! *WINK WINK* hahaha, crazy company boys (: Sixian with her sweetest message (: And you know who you are, my love-hate relationship with you is not going away :x Oh whatever !

And lastly, the gang (: Steamboat at Jingpeng's house, thats something I'd never expect of /:
Thanks everyone who went, talked rubbish till 3-4am~ Omg, so shagg~
The stupidest people I ever met, truth is I am not close to all of you guys, I don't game like you guys and I am like in TP, so far away from all of you and hard to talk to sometimes, I am glad that I got to know this group of friends. The real challenge comes when you guys get girlfriends one by one, enter the army, and enter the working society.. I don't want to have hopes that we will all stay together till you guys cannot play ball.. haha, just hope some of us treasure this gang and make the effort to meet up, slack and talk cock (:

Some photos:

Room service ! (:

Delifrance brownie ^^ Straw as candle! LOL

Steamboat ^^

The banner still :B

My cakee ^^

Girls ^^

Ok can, you guys did scare the hell outta me :(

And now to reply the gang cards one by one [:

Malcolm:
Hhahah, glad that you know I pay ~! So you must pay up on time !! I had a great one~! (:

Yuzheng:
Hi, monk (: Yeap, I will stay happy and yeah, we should really play badminton together soon really!

Kevin:
Thank you! You too! All the best for your studies too !

Lijie:
HOW CAN YOU THINK OF ME AS A CLUBBER!!! >:( hahaha, I haven't found it la, hope you find your happiness soon too k? Stay happy!!! Don't be afraid !

JiaHao:
Lol, what a mature birthday wish, I will try to do my best ! you're as lame as you were.. ok whatever.. Thanks a lot and youre not stupid la !

ChinGuan:
Not close to you luh! But yeap, great to know you and don't keep MIA-ing lor !!

JiaSheng:
Hahaha, finally 18 years old! Ok can! Yeah, know you for 11 years already la! Although in between got drift apart but lol, we are now in a group of friends again! Cool bro! Anw, hope you choose the right path and manage your life well! (: jiayou!

Sean:
Thanks! You're the man too! Stay fit and all the best for your A levels !!! (:

Najiha:
Everything will change, our friendship will also change,, our friendship will grow with us, mature with us and together we will grow up isn't it.? heheheh ^^ So honoured being your longest girl friends! When you've got more freedom after you A levels, meet up more often and yaye, really love you uh!

Mandi:
It doesn't matter what I've been through, cuz now I know, you will stay by my side and support me (: I know you and I have the same problem.. Sometimes getting overly emotional for no good reason.. I guess its okay, but remember I am always here for you too (: Focus now and enjoy later ! (: Love ya!

Cassandra:
Really hope we will stay in touch cuz I know you are the kind of person who gets awkward easily! Don't ever feel awkward with me okay?! you can talk to me about your JC friends you whatever I don't care luh, i will listen one ok?! hahaha, so don't ever lose contact w me (: IF NOT I GO YOUR HOUSE FINISH ALL YOUR TIDBITS!!! :D

Samantha:
I am already really happy with this simple celebration.. people makes me happy (: you make me sane ! Im sure you know this.. I know you're a cool girl, likes to stay at home, don't mind being alone and all that crap, so don't blame me when I crash your house more often hor!!!! If not I complaint o your laobu! (:

ShuKai:
Really glad to know you too! I am sure you know whats good for you and whats not.. being sensitive is good but with this group of friends, some times they dont mean what they say one luh, im sure they cherish you too.. so open up to us and dont think too much ok? (:

Chorkiat:
Yah lohhh! You busy like some chorkiat siah ! Hahaha, its good to be busy! And its really good that you have langxin plus have this group of friends right.?! Like a happy boy only isn't it.!? hahaha! All the best to your studies tooo!!!

Nathaniel:
Why do you like to call me noob.?! ok lor, don't write card lor! hahaha, you make me sound so old siah! but yeap! Its nice to have you this crazyy siao siao friend for 4 years! haha!

Bryan:
REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP! Miss eating lunch at limbang with you siah! After your A levels must ask me out to eat lunch k? I very lonely one hor ! lol... k lah, seems to be drifting apart, but now I see your card, i think got hope liao, can talk to you again! LOL!

Hanlei:
Thank you for your really cool card ! (:

Daniel:
Thank you I really enjoyed my day! (:

QinHe:
LOL AT THE CAKE! Nicely drawn actually! Not bad uh! Thank you QinHe ! Stay at this height, its a really good height ! Don't feel pressured!!

ZongYing:
haha, really uh! Thanks siah! Yupp! Stay happy and cheerful as always!! PHAIBOON!!!

JingPeng:
Among the guys I guess you're the most easy to talk to when I need to collect money or admin stuff! Thanks for lending your house to steamboat ! hahaha! And yeap even though you gave me the first impression of cool and untouchable guy, its great to be your friend now and know that you're actually quite noisy!!!

JunJie:
Thank you! You stay positive too!! Hope you get more freedom soon!!((:

THE END-

My birthday wish, as always (: Nothing new (: A wish is just a wish anyway (:
A birthday is just another day..
But I feel it, I feel that I should grow up, but I really don't know how :( Sigh...

When the ocean is a better toilet :O

Krabi, Thailand trip 2012 (0710-1010)

I don't know how to explain the fun I had there :>
I wanted a getaway, to relax and chill myself, but Krabi gave me even more (: In addition to relaxation, I got fun and thrill definitely.. Though there were some boredom, haha, I enjoyed this short getaway from all my emotions and all those familiar things (: Its been 5 days since I came back to Singapore.. All too familiar, all too scary.. I miss Krabi I guess.?? Miss the hotel bed, the hotel pool, my kuku blue flowery bike and the clear water ocean~

I brought a heavy heart there.. Looking forward to the trip to run away from Singapore and not really looking forward to go overseas.. Anywhere will do, as long as I leave this familiar place.. In the end, it was really not a bad place, cuz I don't really have to worry about losing my way there since Krabi is a small island (: This trip was really different from what I imagined.. We didn't really slacked and chill on the beach, we didn't even visit the beach ourselves actually hahaa.. In the night, its too dark to go to the beach too.. So unlike singapore (: But the starry night is amazinggg !! The stars over there is like sparkling and the night sky simply look magical ! Hahahaha ~!

First day:
Landed and we started to our hotel, walked around the Aonang road side stalls, booked our tours and went to the night market at the Krabi town.. A lot of food there yooo ~! delicious ~!! Milk tea there is a must try especially for pple who like sweet stuffs ~ :B

Second day:
4 island tour. I guess this is the boring part, cuz all the island looks about the same.. And when you wanna go toilet, mamaaa, you might as well go to the ocean to release yourself man ! Toilet there dirty and you still need pay 40cents SGD to enter. LOL /: I guess its better if we could just chill at one beach with resort or smth to wash up.. Cuz beach after beach makes it boring.. Snorkeling wasn't as fun as I thought, cuz the reefs at Krabi isn't all that fascinating.. I would like to go to other places with prettier reefs to snorkel (: The boat was really cool though ! I like it a lot ~!

Then we went for massage.. OH MY HOLY MAMA :( Pain until like madd, and my right shoulders hurt like for the next few days.. due to old wound plus the strong massage :( I'd never pick thai massage ever again :( First time massage and its such a bad experience for me :( PAIN DAOO :(

Dope of the second day is whereby we picked up our courage to rent bike~! LOL, real motorbikes!
hahaha, Idk how to explain the thrill of riding the bike and being the passenger~! Just too scaryy and thrilling~!! :DDDDDDD

Third day:
Best day over there.? Cuz its likeee the activities were awesomeeee!
Elephant trekking was ok-ok.. I don't really like it so mehh~
Flying fox was cool.? hahaha, short span but not bad yo!
White water rafting was not badddd ! If I had more monehh I won't mind going for the more exciting one ! hahaha ! & the current almost swept me awayyy ~! >:( Luckily I was safe hehe, quck quck pulled me back ! (:
ATV!!! AWESOMEEEE ! Just that the route a bit standard.. & I banged into a tree.. LOL, like whut !
Fish spa was... -.- I AM AFRAID OF TICKLISH STUFF LAAA ! :(((

On a side note, I really pity the animals over there at Thailand.. What suffering did they went through to be trained till this amount of discipline.? Arghh.. Can't do anything but feel so heartache.. Thats why I hate animal shows.. Singapore's one was okay, tolerable for me, but over there, gosh, too pain to even watch the show :<

Back to hotel bike again ((: WEEEE (:
Bike to some old Aonang restaurant to have our dinner... And back to hotel.. Room service birthday cake (: Thank you WeiLing for planning that pleasant surprise ((:
And thanks JunHao & Euroy for not showering while waiting for the cake to come which took like forever ! Appreciate it (: hahaha (:

Forth day:
Short breakfast, return our bike, and taadaaa, head back to Singapore /:
SO SAD :<

At the DFS!! Haha, bought liquor, the cashier was like, you are still 17 right.? need to pass 12 midnight then 18.?! LOL Weiling was like then you celebrate your birthday tomorrow meh.? hahaha.. Luckily her supervisor more reasonable, tadaa! Got my ICE WINE <3 <3 & Mom's tiger beer (: Kinda regretting, should bought Chivas instead of Vodka, since I don't like vodka >_< (Very tempted to open my ice wineeee >_<)

--

Should thank this AhJin for planning the trip (: Thanks Weiling for being sucha badass to go with me! hahaha, lovesss ! And thanks JunHao for tolerating our retard actions and lameness.. Like a cool boy :> 

Was really a pleasant trip that freed me from all worries (:
Question in mind: Genting Baby~~~?? With the gang.?? /:

Septwolve

This title is a joke :P for those who get it good for you, for those who don't then too bad~! LOL~!
This post is for me to post rubbish, so whateverrrrrr !

I've not been using comp cuz I was busy working, literally.. Really busy !
Almost 10 weddings in 2 days, what the shit you pple who take on the events thinking.!?! Want my life is it.? LOL.. Hahaha.. & yeap, I am finally having my break now.. Not working for one week from today (: I guess working helps me to pass my time really, its good.. but now, to the point that I am crumbling physically, feeling so eff-ing shag even though I've rested for a day, I need a break.. Not for my brain but for my health too :( Sigh, hope my body will be okay~

I got zero talent for pretending, acting and lyingg~! ZEROOOOO~!!!!
Laughing like siao when I read through Sam's post about her birthday..

September.. Last year, was disaster..
This year, its worse than disaster..
Like what you say, Whirlpool.?! haha, what a joke..
I sincerely feel that nothing can make me wanna laugh.. Cuz nothing is more like a joke than my life !
Last last week, for 4 days straight, I cried.. Haha, dk for fuck really !
A hug makes it even worse, worse than ever~!!!! Sorry I had to tell you to not hug me so that my tears won't fall, but really, Idk why I cry.. Maybe I miss you too much.?! Or maybe all the feelings just gush into me when you embrace me.. Idk, i really don't know.. What am I embracing.? All the pain and fears.?! Its rare to see me breakdown, its even more rare to see me breakdown in front of pple that I am not close with ! So paiseh when he enter ! Haha, cried a puddle of tears, how pathetic can I get.?! I just don't know what to believe and what not to believe anymore !!! Sigh, 我就是傻傻的，相信你会对我诚实，可是你真的诚实吗？很多心里的话你没告诉我对吧？信任？我对你的信任是100％，你对我的又是多少呢？我很害怕，真的很害怕，你们都太厉害了，装得那么好，我的演技实在不如你们，又怎么能跟得上呢？Honesty, I yearn so much for it :O I know certain things that you don't say, i am not unfeeling if thats what you think of me.. But it hurts so much when you hide those thoughts from me, cuz you're afraid to hurt me.?! Nahh, you just don't believe I can handle them~  /:
Typing all these out just makes my tears wanna fall again~ Sighh~

I don't know a lot of things.
I don't know how to start to doubt people.
I don't know how to differentiate joking or serious talk.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!!!!!!!!

PS: 明明不太悲壮，却受了英雄的伤～

Bye September

I've got a lot on my mind in the first place, but now that I am here, I don't know what to post about. So, I guess I am just gonna post about some events blah blah blah ~

September, the month when my 2 important friends became 18 (: Samantha Tan & Yeo Pei Shan (:

Sam's birthday celebration (22092012)
Her birthday is on 23rd though (:
& I just realise I have photos in my phone that I haven't uploaded.. /:
Need to find some time to upload I guess..
So almost the whole gang went except Jiasheng & hanlei !

Had a hot and fun time at Marina Barrage (: It was really hot though~
Then we went to MBS to had Kraze burgers for dinner, watch laser show & cut cake ! YIPEE !

Photos <3

PeiShan's Birthday! (25092012)

Celebrated on her actual day ! All the best for A levels !
Timbre for dinner and drink ~ Sweet and chill out night with this girl, Daphne, Afiqah & WeiLing~ It's sad that SiXian cannot make it cuz she's having her O lvls soon~~

Photos not up yet :>

& dedications to my birthday girls, please wait for it .. hahaha .. Need the mood, time and place to be correct (:

--

Yup that's how I end my September & started October with dinnering at some Rex Restaurant at Dhoby Ghaut with Haziqah, Malini, Amirul & Jeff (:

Walk, shop, eat !

Went to take pay with meitong then walk walk around orchard !

Went Ion Sho Teppan to had our lunch/dinner then to scape to but her stuff (:

Then continue to walk around, rest a bit here and there.. Slack my day away w her (:

Got myself a new sunglass, been wanting to cuz the old one is a reminder of good memories that will not happen again ! Time to move on with my life ! Love it without me !

<3

Sunglass & Eiffel tower crop tee ^^ 

Sho Teppan (:

--

Have not been focusing on my life properly :(

I banged my head into a glass wall.. & its still hurting whenever i accidentally touch my head !

I really need to be less clumsy :(

Naive, innocent, gullible, forgiving, blur, clumsy..

Now with the addition of warmhearted, careless, trustworthy..

Idk how some people don't want people to hurt them yet they in turn hurt you themselves!

pretending so much that basically you are just a liar yourself..

I got nothing to say to you anymore.? Cuz you just don't make any sense!!!

Its like you know someone is handicapped yet you want them to kick soccer -.- Shame on you!

--

PS: O$P$ !!!!! >:(

Only One

BoA - Only One (Jason Chen English Cover) 

The lyrics just makes my heart ache :(

Even though you've never loved me, you're the only one

Even though you've really hurt me, you're the only one

How could I ever get over a love I never knew

I guess I'm still just a fool, you're the only one, the only one

I don't know how you make me feel this way

Never knew my heart could feel such pain

Why won't you just give me a chance to show I love you

Every time we try to talk, you just walk out the door

But every time I try to let you go, my heart holds onto you

No matter what I say or what I do, I feel like such a fool

Even when you lie right to my face, I wish that they were all true

I guess you just really wanna leave, so I'll let you go

How can I get you out my head, you're the only one

You will always be my baby, you're the only one

Even though you've never loved me, you are still my queen

I'm just a fool who's in love, you're the only one, the only one

I haven't felt your touch in so long, and the image of your smile is long gone

Did all the memories that we had shared mean nothing to you?

You lead me on, you broke my heart

So why can't I get over you?

Oh every time I try to let you go, my heart holds onto you, my heart holds onto you

No matter what I say or what I do, I feel like such a fool

Even when you lie right to my face, I wish that they were all true

I guess you were never mine, so why do I care?

--
PS: Even the best one cannot be compared to the only one. Till you become the only one (: